Where's Munich?

As with Miller-McCune, I had never before heard of The Ecologist, "the world's leading environmental affairs magazine" according to its About Us section. Via And Dutch I just came across The Ecologist's list of "Top 10...Euro cities to cycle".

I skimmed the list, awaiting glowing praise for Munich along the lines of "flat city perfect for those of all skill levels and bike types; wide, well-kept bike paths between the street and the sidewalk on nearly every street; gorgeous scenery whether you're headed to the local bar or cruising along the river Isar on your way to a monastery or out-of-the-way Biergarten; safe, flourishing bike culture overall."

I don't see Munich. Where's Munich? Wait a second, don't tell me...

LONDON?

And no Munich? You can't be serious.

I've only lived in a few European cities and I've only visited half of the ones on this list, but four months of living in and one month of biking in London is enough for me to guarantee you it doesn't belong on this list, even less so when Munich didn't make the cut. London has a dearth of bike lanes (aside from "suggested" ones that run in the street), the ballyhooed Boris Bikes rental system is still in its infancy (it might have opened for the general public by now...), and the bike "superhighways" are about 20% complete.

Even if you've never been to London, tell me what feeling you get from reading the first few lines of its description:

Why it’s great: Cycling in London used to be pretty dreadful thanks to an unfortunate combination of rain and aggressive drivers but since the first two Barclays Cycle Superhighways launched last summer, things have become a little easier.

So in a section about why it's "great," London is hailed as having made the leap from "pretty dreadful" to..."a little easier"? Thanks for the tip, Ecologist! I can't wait to be ground into the rain-slicked pavement by aggressive drivers!

As a matter of fact, based on The Ecologist's descriptions alone, you get the sense that some of these cities are not like the others, some of these cities just don't belong. Here are some delightful excerpts from the section on Paris: "many hazards...infamously crazy drivers...vehicular terrors are best avoided...." Wow, 1 Euro for an unlimited day pass of 30 minute journeys sounds steeper if my Paris life expectancy is only 5 minutes. If I die, do they pro-rate the fee? No? Merde.

If you don't like Munich, fine, don't put it on your "Top ten favorite Euro Cities" list, but it deserves to be on a list of top Euro-cycle Cities. Otherwise maybe the list should have been called "Top 10...Euro Cities we think are neat to go sightseeing in, like that one with that big Tower and the one where they drive on the wrong side, and maybe you should try it on a bike if you can find one, 'cause we hear some people are doin' that these days, and maybe they're a little cheaper and more ubiquitous than they used to be, and we're an eco-magazine so, hey, green!"

But I guess it'd be hard to sneak that one by your editor.

We're Here, We're Queer, We Don't Want Any More Bears!

If I hold up a sign tomorrow with that slogan on it, do you think the Germans will get the Simpsons reference? Probably not, and then they'll be torn over the message -- "'Queer'? 'bears'? well wait just a minute here." In fact Germans seem to want more polar bears but fewer brown bears. Maybe they just want their bears carefully stored in zoos. Pfft. Ask Poland how bears should be handled: they should have open air enclosures by the side of busy streets in the middle of a city like Warsaw with only a waterless moat separating them from sweet, sweet human flesh. Yes, that exists.

Either way, that's not my point. My point is I'm going to be demonstrating tomorrow with my school, and I'm excited to wave signs around, assuming they give me a sign (they'd be crazy not to -- I bet if I hold up a sign they'll see it from the International Space Station).

The issue, essentially, is this: my school, the Gutenberg Gymnasium, goes from grade 5 to grade 13. Gymnasium is the highest level of school in the German school system for those grades -- it's college track, whereas the other two types are not. As such, most parents want their kids to go to gymnasium, and they're allowed to send their kids to gymnasium if they choose, regardless of any recommendations to the contrary.

Therein lies one problem: the Gutenberg Gymnasium, for example, is designed to take on four new classes each year. For some years now, though I don't know how many years, the school has been over capacity with between five and six new classes coming in each year. I think in return for taking this overflow, my school got a new sport hall (I'd say "gymnasium" but that would get confusing with the name of the school, so I'll stick to the literal German translation) and a sort of auditorium.

Nevertheless, it's easy to see that the school is too full. There aren't enough classrooms, so other rooms not intended for classes have been invaded to make up the difference, and let me tell you, 33 kids in a small room is not ideal.

And now it turns out that -- surprise, surprise -- there is another huge jump in numbers coming. Has the city been preparing by (a) building a new gymnasium, (b) expanding the existing schools, or (c) seeing how far they can spit watermelon seeds? If you picked (a) or (b) then you've never heard of a lumbering mess commonly referred to as "a bureaucracy" (and if you picked (c), I appreciate your cynicism but can't verify it...yet).

So the solution, once again, is to add more classes, particularly to the Gutenberg Gymnasium and one other school. My school is expected to handle seven classes for the next two years, and in return will get some extra classrooms built, or whatever is being vaguely promised. Naturally the teachers, students, and parents are up in arms over this. The most aggravating parts of the deal are that the plan was formed and is close to moving ahead without taking into consideration the voices of the teachers, students, or parents; and that there is still no real plan for the future, meaning there's no way of knowing for sure if this will end after two years. Also, the three directors at the school, who get the only votes for the entire school, said they'll no matter what the teachers, students, and parents think, they'll vote Yes to the plan to have seven classes in return for some additions to the school.

Being the cool-headed negotiator that I am, I suggested a strike. This doesn't affect me, but I'd be so excited to be part of a strike anyway. But that's not allowed: German teachers are state workers, which means that in return for jobs-for-life and good benefits, they don't get any say in what happens. So instead, as I mentioned ages ago at the beginning of this long-winded post, we're demonstrating tomorrow afternoon.

When I was in Freiburg in 2005, I saw but missed out on participating in university student protests against the introduction of tuition. I am not missing out on this protest. I hope I don't get whomped by riot police.