Wrong Colored Food

First I heard they'd turned blueberries pink. Is this like when they try to make games for girls? Were blueberries not selling well enough with the 12-25 year old female demographic? Will they also utilize the delicate Japanese art of growing perfect apples to imprint the blue pinkberr--er, pink blueberries with Hello, Kitty symbols and further corner the lucrative squealing teen girl market?

Now I hear they've turned garlic black. Garlic finally found its much needed street cred.

Bad jokes aside, I can't wait to try these two food innovations. If it's true that, as described, the pink blueberries are "sweet and flavorful," then they sound just like normal blueberries. But looks matter too, and they'd certainly make for a nice oddity for the backyard.

If it's true that, as described, the fermented black garlic "tastes much sweeter than traditional garlic" AND "doesn't leave you with bad breath," well that's progress we can all agree on. Except for the "sweeter" part because I'm fine with the current taste of garlic and until I taste a sweeter one I'm having a hard time imagining it. Will I put it in ice cream instead of spaghetti sauce? Also, I don't know how the price compares to regular garlic cloves because I don't remember what garlic costs at the store. But I'm guessing the fermenting process plus the increased rarity of black garlic makes it more expensive. My friends are cool, and all, but are they worth it?

All this talk of wrong colored food makes me want some right tasting food (and of course makes me think of the greatest Family Guy joke ever: wrong sounding muppets). Maybe I'll make a peanut butter milkshake tonight. Or a chocolate peanut butter milkshake. Lots of recipes for "chocolate peanut butter milkshakes" call for vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. Why not just skip the sauce and use chocolate ice cream to begin with? That's all we have, since vanilla ice cream's not worth keeping around.

Then maybe I can approximate the Colonel Parker milkshake from the UK's chain of American-style diners helpfully named "The Diner." The Colonel Parker is a hard shake, i.e. a shake with hard liquor, not a shake that isn't soft: peanut butter, vanilla ice cream, and Four Roses bourbon, and it is delightful, and will probably be even more delightful with chocolate ice cream and with any other kind of bourbon. I recently got a 1.75 liter bottle of Jim Beam white label for $5 (after rebate...$20 before rebate, which is still good, but not $5 good) from the New Hampshire liquor store, so I got that goin' for me, which is nice.