The Power...

Is YOURS! That's what my students learned yesterday at least, when I showed them the first episode of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. I mean, they're learning about the environment, so, right? This is how I learned about saving the earth, and if it's good enough for me, it's good enough for them.

How can you beat lines like "By your powers combined...I am CAPTAIN PLANET!"? (And it's not gratingly redundant like Prince Adam aka He-Man's wail of "By the power of Greyskull...I have the POWER!" You already said power, doofus.) With the way Captain Planet acquired new superpowers, he coulda wailed on Superman in his prime...as long as Supes didn't have smog breath. And check out some of the heavy hitters they got to voice characters on the show: Sting, LeVar Burton, and Whoopi Goldberg! Talk about street cred.

But did my students appreciate it? Pfft, of course not. They had to go tearin' into it, raggin' on the Cap'n's little speedo + half-shirt number, his penchant for lame jokes, even his grass-green flat top-mullet. That was the HEIGHT of environmentally-friendly superhero fashion back in 1990, and if I know fashion, it'll be back soon enough. That kind of style is cyclical, dollface.

One cynic even busted out the million dollar question: "Did this change the way you lived at all?" Dude, I was five when this show came out. So, yes, it changed my life. I'm sure I was brainwashed in some way to appreciate powerful men with mullets and bikinis. That's what saving the environment is about, and when Al Gore realizes that, we'll really be on to something.

Oh, and just in case you fail to watch the episode I linked to, I have to point out that the show's first season ran the year before the Soviet Union fell. When asked by the stupid fire kid from the Bronx if she's Russian, Linka (the wind chick) angrily clarifies: "No. Soviet! Now go avay!" Just the icing on the cake.

Oops, almost forgot! I just found a German version of the intro and, most importantly, the outro (which was arguably the most famous part of the show: the positively classic theme music). Eat it up, world.