My Lost Examiner Article

As a follow-up to yesterday's rant about examiner.com, here's the infamous (in my own mind), never-posted second piece I wrote for the site. Was it unpublishable? You be the judge. Or the jury. Maybe I should call in some surprise witnesses to influence your decision, each more surprising than the last. Bring 'em in, boys!

Chocolate ice cream, peanut butter, and bourbon: a novel milkshake

In London, there's a chain of American-style diners called, appropriately, The Diner. The food is decent when you've got a craving for fare like hamburgers and mac and cheese or even a bottle of Sam Adams Boston Lager. Most importantly, though, The Diner serves "hard shakes," or alcoholic milkshakes, a market woefully untapped in America.

The best of the bunch is one made with vanilla ice cream, peanut butter, and Four Roses bourbon and called "The Colonel Parker," named after Elvis Presley's manager. (Was the Colonel fond of Four Roses? Was this a signature drink of his? I don't quite understand the reference, so please, enlighten me if possible.) Here’s a chocolaty homage to The Diner’s delightful drink, which should easily serve two.
Ingredients:

1-3 cups of chocolate ice cream
½-1 cup of peanut butter
¼-½ cup of milk
3-6 ounces (or 2-4 shot glasses) of bourbon
Optional: hot fudge (homemade or store-bought)

This is a simple and decadent treat to blend up at home. Combine the ingredients in any order in the blender (the superb Euro-Pro Ninja Master was used here) and pulse in 5 second intervals until there are no lumps. The amounts listed are a very rough guideline, so sample the shake as you’re making it and adjust proportions based on desired strength. For example, if you taste your shake and find the peanut butter is being drowned out, simply add another spoonful of peanut butter and blend again.

For this recipe I grabbed what was in the kitchen, but substitutions are easy and encouraged. I used a mix of the local Smiling Hill Farm’s Dark Chocolate ice cream, acquired at the ever-enticing Rosemont Munjoy Hill in Portland, and Stone Ridge Creamery’s Chocolate Fudge ice cream. The peanut butter was standard Jif. Organic might work, though the consistency and taste are different enough that there's no guarantee.

The hot fudge was homemade but any, or none, will do. The milk was fat free, but a drink like this practically begs for a higher fat content. As for choosing a bourbon, don't worry about getting fancy here. Unless you refuse to touch cheap bourbon, use something low-end for this recipe and save your top shelf liquor for a glass with a couple of ice cubes.

This is an excellent dessert with two caveats. First, the consistency was a little thin even with all the peanut butter, so suggestions for thickening homemade milk shakes without sacrificing flavor are very welcome. Second, generally speaking chocolate is superior to vanilla. In this case, however, an exception could certainly be made. Vanilla ice cream is milder, allowing the other ingredients in this shake to really shine, while chocolate was nearly overpowering. If, unlike me, you have vanilla ice cream, try the recipe with that (leave out the hot fudge if you do, naturally). Bottoms up!

A Little Taste Of Home

Robert and I went to a place called American Diner for dinner tonight. Robert is a friend from the frisbee team -- he started playing about the same time I did, and he's good people. He had recommended this diner a while back and, being a real American (hero, GI Joe is theeeeere....if you didn't sing along with that, you're not a child of the '80s.), I figured I should investigate. We finally made it this evening, and the good news is, it's halfway decent.

We sat outside because the weather was so nice, but before leaving I glanced inside. It's got the right touches from what I could see: the proper shiny, silver lining on everything, the distinctive worn, red pleather (or whatever it's made of) booths, and even a jukebox. You'd feel comfortable ordering a malt in there. And they menu hits the proper highs: chicken wings, spare ribs, and a varied selection of specialty burgers, including a Double Header and a Triple Header if you really covet that American waistline. Oh, and lest I forget, they have different All You Can Eat specials throughout the week, for prices that are basically the same as the single servings. They've been doing their homework, yes indeed.

My choice was clear (since there were no All You Can Eat specials on Sundays): the BBQ Burger, with their special home made BBQ sauce. I'm constantly lamenting the lack of proper (or, uh, any) BBQ sauce in Germany, so when I see it I have to try it. Good news: this stuff was passable (I positively gush with praise, don't I? I should work on that). The burger and sauce were quite good, especially since it's been so long since I've had the real stuff. The burgers even come with a little American flag on a toothpick stuck in them. How's that for a finishing touch?

The fries were tasty, too, but I'm not a huge fry guy and there were too many, so Robert finished off mine once he cleaned his plate. As if that wasn't enough to make me doubt my citizenship, there was more. The burgers are pretty big already, but in fact the average-sized couple at the table next to us really pulled out the stops. The guy polished off a Triple Header and even his girlfriend made short work of a Double Header, including all of the fries for both of them. I expected them to stand up and recite the Pledge of Allegiance and then give me a wedgie. Sorry, folks: I let you down.

Other than forcing me to question my American manhood, it was a fun time. The place isn't quite Fuddruckers, but it's one of the best approximations I've seen over here.

Oh, and the demonstration last Wednesday went well, so in case anybody was still wondering, I survived. There was a great turnout, especially for such short notice, and the weather cooperated -- my face even got a tiny bit sunburned. I was one of 20 people involved who had to hold back on the "protesting" aspect and just make sure nothing got out of hand, since this was an organized protest. I had a bright orange vest along with the swell of self-righteousness that a small amount of undeserved power brings.

I'm not sure what will happen with this school situation, but I'll keep ya posted if anything interesting happens.